What is forgiveness, really. I've always believed that true forgiveness means not only letting go of bitterness and anger, but also restoring your faith and trust in the person who hurt you. That seems foolish. It seems like I would be setting myself up to get hurt. But is that God wants? Me to trust in him enough to make myself vulnerable, and have faith that he will work it out?
What happened before then? I had that kind of faith, and it came back to bite me. It was horrible and the most painful experience I've ever been through. I don't even know how to restore my faith anymore. I am trying, but it IS SO DAMN hard to let go of the past. I can't imagine going through something like that again. I feel like I'm living scared. I don't want to live scared. I need to put myself out there, and know that I will be able to get through it, no matter what happens. I need to see the good that came from the experience, and how much I grew. It changed me so much though, I'm afraid how it would affect me if it happened again.
How can he just waltz back into my life like this? Who does he think he is? Does he not realize how much he hurt me, or is he just spineless? Why am I doing this to myself? I shouldn't be even speaking to him. The fact of the matter is that I can't help it. Even after a year, I love him too much. I cannot help but hope for him back in my life and fantasize about him begging for me to take him back. What is wrong with me. How can I be so foolish? How can I ever forgive him? It seems so simple an easy until you actually are faced with it.
